A very Quick Update!

Thank you everyone for you kind thoughs and prayers.  Please if you are lurker please comment on the Adopt a Blogger post  so I know who you are that is praying for me this month!

DH and I are doing well and gearing up for a trip to TN for his interview!  Please keep those prayers coming.

On health news, progestrone made me a bit on edge this cycle, never had that happen.  It didn't help that I missed Friday's nights med (LDN, thryoid, progestrione) becuase I was seeing Guardians of Galaxy on a date night!  Oh boy did I feel it all weekend long.  Feeling better now.  DH's so far has been faithful with his pills.  He is so far feeling okay and has more energy than me.

We finsihed our closets this weekend.  Now DH and I have much more functional space and it will show better!  Yay for being productive!

As for my reading Unbound and healing, yeah it has not been happening.  I need some help blog frineds on setting a schedule and getting this done!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful week!  I promise to keep you updated!

Adopt a Blogger- August

If this is your first visit to my blog spear thanks to Amy's Adopt a Blogger, welcome!   I am super excited to be chosen to be this month's blogger.   August is turning out to be a huge month for the DH and I, more about that later.   A brief explanation of whole I am.  I have been married for 4 1/2 years and have been ttc for most of that time off and on.  I knew something was wrong right away when dtd was painful.  It turns out infection was involved.  It took two years before starting treatments.   After 2 1/2 years it turns out I have Thyroid System Dysfunction (on medicine to treat), PCOS (had ovairian wedge surgery), Endometriosis (had Surgery to remove), Abdominal Adhesions- (had surgical correction), LUF (still deciding if we should treat), Non-infectious Chronic Cervicitis, Type III Luteal Phase Defect w/o E2 component (currently on post peak progesterone, but add estrogen), and TEBB (on LDN & post-peak hormone support)   DH has low sperm count, low motility, and low morphorolgy.  It sounds like a lot and sometime a feel like it is.  Currently we are focusing On DH's numbers and getting my post peak hormones looking good.  In a way we not ttc or tta.   In order for me to ttc I would need to be heavy medicines, so we have to save.   To see a full history check out the timeline.

I have not always wanted to be a mommy, I actually felt called to religious life after college and did enter religious life for a year.  After leaving I discern I was called to marriage.  I meet DH and a little over a year we got married.   I studied theology of the body and just fell in love with having a large family.  But God has other plans apparently.  I would love to have a child to raise in the faith, teach horseback riding to and love.  It is still my dream and desire to have a child. Since that has not been the case, I have felt in limbo.   I haven't really made any life changes because I was afraid but I am slowly accepting what God has give me. 

Speaking of life changes, this is why August is a huge month for me.  DH is gearing up for a interview that would move us to TN, out of the DC area.  We are excited about this possibility and are praying hard for it to St Joseph.  It would mean changing doctors, selling our house buying a new one etc.   So that is my big prayer request this month.   Also please pray for discernment about what direction we should take next.  We are not sure about doing the protocol my doctor has recommend for me.  As much as I want to be a mommy, I am not sure that is right for us at this time.  Finally I ask for prayers for healing.   

Thank you for stopping by and praying for me this month!

Infertility: one size does not fit- plus update

Some things I have been pondering



When I think about infertility what kept coming I to my head I one size does not fit all.   Everyone's journey is so different.  What treatment is done or not done is different.   The outcome of everyone's journey while on earth is different. (I hope we all reach heaven one day, so our heavenly journey is the same! ).  You are probably wondering where I am going with this.

The catechism says that a couple should pursue all options that are inline with Catholic Church to grow they family.   But those too can and are different for each person.  Just because it is out there and valid does not mean you have to do it or should do it.   We need prayer to discern.  We cannot lead with our hearts or our heads, we need to get on our knees and pray for guidance.  We need to ask the Risen Lord who overcame death to save us to help us carry our cross and be triumphed.   We need to ask what is right for us, for our family.   

Why not just follow the heart?  The heart is fragile, it can be easily broken.  It can lead us down the emotional roller coaster every cycle.   Of all the parts, it longs to be a mother most.   If we only listen to that we could go down paths that would not inline with the church teaching.  It could lead to keep going when everything else is screaming stop.   Now it could also lead us to great joy and happiness, don't get me wrong.  But guard yourselves if you follow only the heart.

Why not the head?  Our intelligent is a gift from God.   With it we can know he exist, with reason our faith can grow.   But be warned we can over think things.  We can think what we are doing is right but it is not.   We can come up with a millions reasons and do a treatment or not do a treatment.  We can balance all the pros and cons of something to we are blue in the face.   When it comes to this journey of IF it can stop us to early or make us keep going.   

So you see why I say the knees?   The knees will lead us to God, will lead us to do His will not ours.  Without out it, even if we get the end we desire is it what he desires.   All life is good, but what what if he wanted a different path for you.  Now God will help you along whatever path you end up on, even if it is not your primary call.  What if God wanted your family to remain to but you did everything in your power to adopt/conceive?  He will of course bless you, but you might miss out on graces of being a family of two.  If God calls you to have a larger family then you should pursue that treatment.

I have been thinking a lot about this because we are at standstill in some ways in my treatments.  The ultrasound series revealed that I do indeed have LUF's, the treatments are expensive and not covered.  My doctor recommend we wait.  Surprising I am okay with that.  Instead we are going to focus on my hormone levels and getting me to feel better overall.  We also going to work on improving DH's counts that are horrible low.  We are going to spend this time praying if we want to take the next steps.   We are also praying about big life decisions such as taking new jobs and moving.

I also will be praying for healing.  I am starting a new book call Unbound:

 When I have finished reading it two ladies will pray with me for true healing to start.  I have not been very good about it, put once i really start I plan to blog about it.

I apologize for the lack of writing, I hope once again to be better.  Thank you loyal readers.

Little Happies #1 - it really is the little stuff.

 #1

I have finally decieded to join in the Little Happies post because I really need it this week.  Here goes my first attempt

#1 - Redoing Closet
We have in the process of redoing my closet.  I took done all the old closet stuff, fixed the walls, sanded, wiped down, and painted.  My lovely DH helped alot with the painting.  We then put up a new closet system that is amazing!

#2 - Meeting online friends in person

Last week I got to meet Convincing Hope author when I had my follow doctor's visit.  We went to an amazing New Zealand Burger place that had the best GF buns.  Yay for gluten free

#3- New Hanging Basket
My old gorgous basket died, so I got a new one that is almost as pretty.

#4- Swing Dance Classes

We are finally taking Swing Dance Classes, something we have talked about doing for years

#5 - New Books Series I am reading

At a recent trip Charolotives we went to an used book store and found an amazing serious about dragons and Christian themed!  The books are called DragonSpell by Donita K. Paul.  I seriously cannot put them down!


#6- Ultrasound series done and covered by insurance
It took two weeks and 9 ultrasounds, but I am finished by Ultrasound series and we found only what we were exepcting.  I know that is not 100% happy that we did find something, but the real happy is I did not have to fight with my insurance about it.  THAT is someting to smile about

#7 - Jimmy Dean frozen meals

I am always looking out for good frozen measls that basically fit my diet and i found new ones last week!  They don't have wheat or soy if you don't buy pasta ones.  I am very happy.


That's it for now.  I will be giving a HUGE update in the next couple of days.  There is a lot going.

http://new.inlinkz.com//luwpview.php?id=430599

Struggling.

As my title suggests I am struggling right now.  After finally being successful getting DH tested, the results came and they were not what we expected.  I will put it this way, I was at work and had to run to the bathroom to cry, a coworker found me and told me I should go home. I stayed for maybe 20 minutes and basically ran out of there because I was sick to my stomach.  He has been doing EVERYTHNG right for the past 6 months and to get these results just rocked me to the core.   We meet at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and did so me retail therapy shopping.  I calmed down a little.  But still shaken the next day.  On top of that, AF was three days late. I had the peak phase of 15 days!  I guess the progesterone is working!  Thankfully it did not mess up the timing of everything else. 

This cycle I am finally getting the ultrasound servers done.  No place near me would do it, so every afternoon I will be taking off early and driving to the closet place that I know will do it.  It will be a long two weeks, thanking my DH will come a couple of times.   We are making a weekend of it and going to some wineries we haven't been to in a while. Right after the series is done, I have my follow up appointment, so I am looking forward to getting answers. 

There is a lot going on right now in my life in general.  I am seeing a counselor which I am glad to be doing, but I don't know if it is helping much.  I will give it a few more months. I am struggling at work and hope to be able to quit soon.   In addition DH has a bunch of stuff.  For those who follow the FB group please keep praying. 

On the plus side my patio is finally started!  I hope to host something so so I can enjoy it!

Sorry for not posting in a while.  I cannt make any promised of when I will post again, but know dear readers you are all in my prayers. I ask for prayers as well.

News and Reflections

Hello all!  Welcome to those who are viewing my blog from the Infertility Awareness Post!  

****Warning this is a long post****

I know last post I promised to write more, but then life happened.  It really happened.  I got a kindey stone and spend over a month in pain and discomfort.  Two surgeries later it was removed and I started to feel better by mid-March.  

I have had a lot happen over the past two and a half months.  I updated my Our Journey So Far with the basic details.  I realized  I had not update that page in a while.  I will give more detail account here and reflections as I go.  

Ultrasound Results:

It was not good news I am sad to say.  They found another LUF, which means I am most likely not ovulating at all.  This hit me really hard.   I was in the middle of having a kidney stone, about to have surgery to get it removed and now this hit me.  I couldn't deal with it to be honest.  I told my DH and flat out said I am not ready to think about this.   The proposed treatment plan is this: 

Menotropin Protocol

Begin with one 75 IU ampule of Repronex (LH/FSH).
1) Administer 75 IU intramuscularly once a day from day 3 through day 7 of your cycle.
2) On P-6, you will need to get estradiol blood levels drawn every other day, until P+12 (roughly 10 blood draws per cycle).
3) Beginning on P-2, you will need to have an ultrasound to evaluate the number and size of the follicles stimulated. You will need another ultrasound on P+3. Contact your provider on P+1 or P+2 so that this can be scheduled. It may be necessary to have additional ultrasounds. Your provider will inform you if additional ultrasounds are recommended.
4) You will need an additional blood draw on P+7 for both Estradiol and Progesterone..
5) Continue to chart with CrMS.
6) If you are instructed to use HCG to trigger ovulation, you will administer 10,000 units intramuscularly when directed.
7) Administer any post-peak prescription medications according to your charting and not according to the ultrasounds.
8) Your provider may adjust your dose to 150 IU, if so, administer 150 IU intramuscularly once a day from day 3 through day 7 of your cycle. Only do this if you have been instructed to increase your dose.

My question to the blogger out there, have you seen this type of protocol before?  My doctor told me she has not had much success with femara when I asked about doing that instead.  This will be like a full time job to do and I am just not ready.  On top of that, I want to be 100% sure I am having LUF's and not complex cysts, so I am going to do an ultrasound series.  That is a whole different story, but it won't be until May at this point!

Reflecting on that - I had to ask my self why did I do the surgery in the first place??  Well I do have normal cycles now - 28 days!!! The cramps have been reduced, and I can better predict my cycles.  So I guess I am glad I did the surgery, I would not have know about the LUF's if I didn't for probably another 6 months.   I don't regret it.  The surgery was healing for me.  I just am on unsure footing now that we my not be able to conceive without heavy amounts of drugs.   We know we must discern if we even want to do that.   Only time or prayers will tell.  

Tyroid Results:
First here are my results:

My TSH is too high for TTC, I know that.  The real problem according to my napro doctor is my T3 and reverse T3 ratio is 5.8, well below the 10 ratio she looks for.  So you asked me to do the A-Z symptom checklist and monitor my temperatures and pulse.  Well at first I was like no. Then after thinking about I changed my mind.  I am doing the monitoring this cycle, but I know my average body temperature is below 98.2, so I know I will be switching.  I am going to see the doctor who has been monitoring my thyroid one more time to check in with her and let her know what is going on.  

I was hesitant at first because I have thyroid problems for so long and I really like my other doctor.  But as I thought about it more, I am tired of the headaches, tired of being cold all the time, and being tired of  being tired.  So I decided to give this a chance.

Blood work panel
Due to my kidney stone, i had to to this over three cycles.  (Well two put I skipped a cycle due not charting.)  It turns about that I have a Type III luteal phase defect.  So I will on progesterone P+5 to P+12 this cycle.  (Prometrium 200 mg).  I will see what happens.  

Other treatments  
Based on conversations in the facebook group, I decided to ask the doctor about starting low dose Naltrexone since I have a lot of the things it treats.  I have PCOS, Endometriosis, fatigue, low mood, anxiety, and autoimmunity disease (Hashimoto's Disease).  My doctor did not think I needed it for the brown bleeding, but willing to try to it for other things.  I started it today and boy did it give me a headache.  I was unable to make Mass/adoration tonight because of it, which saddened me.  But I am catching up on my blog which is a form of reflection!  

Also, my glucose is fine!  No need to go back on Metformin.  At this I can cross that off my list!  

DH
DH is still taking his vitamins, and we hope to do testing this cycle or next.  We both have to be healthy. 

Thoughts
I have so much to say right here, but I think I will save a lot of my deep reflecting for another post.  Even through I may have LUF's I want to get my biomarkers off my chart and I want to feel overall better.  I think I need to body the best shot if and when I do the protocol.  It is a lot to take in all at once and I am slowly working through it all.  As I was talking to my mom, she said I use to be healthy.  And yeah 6 or 7 years ago I was, but I think my thyroid starting getting much worse about that time.   I hate being on so many medications, but if they make me feel human again then I am willing.