Third Wednesday of Advent: "Here is Our King" by David Crowder Band

Jesus is our King, he was born a baby but he is Our King.  I love this song:

The Video:

The Lyrics:

From wherever spring arrives to heal the ground
From wherever searching comes
(The look itself a trace of what we're looking for)
So be quiet now...and wait
The ocean is growing
The tide is coming in
Here it is...

Here is our King
Here is our love
Here is our God who's come
To bring us back to Him
He is the One
He is Jesus

And what was said to the rose
To make it unfold
Was said to me here in my chest
So be quiet now...and rest
The ocean is growing
The tide is coming in
Here it is...

Majesty...
Finally...
Here

Reflection:  
Christmas is a week away.  The King born a baby in a manager is coming.  We are about to celebrate.  I know it is hard for many of you.  It is hard for me, I would love to be bring a baby home this Christmas but God has other plans for me.  But I do know that Jesus is Our King and I need to be still and wait for Him, be still and rest.  The tide will come in one day for me and with it will bring new hope and new life.  But I have to wait, I don't know what that tide will bring in at this time, but I know that it will be something special because Jesus is our King.  

Third Tuesday of Advent: "O come O come Emmanuel"

Today is the first day of the O' antiphons.  

The Video:




Lyrics:
O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,
In ancient times did'st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Reflection:  
One of my favorite advent hymns.  Jesus is coming, the hope of the world is coming.

Third Monday of Advent: "Lord I am ready now" by Plumb

This is a song new to me.  This is about how I feel right now, when we  do surrender, we need to trust that God will take care of us:

The Video:



The Lyrics:

I just let go

And I feel exposed

But its so beautiful

Cuz this is who I am

I've been such a mess

But now I can't care less

I could bleed to death

Oh Lord I'm ready now

All the walls are down

Time is running out

And I wanna make this count

I ran away from you

And did what I wanted to

But I don't wanna let you down

Oh Lord I'm ready now

Lord I'm ready now

You called my name

I turned away

But now I

Am listening

I was so caught up

In who I'm not

Can you please forgive me?

I've nothing left to hide

No reason's left to lie

Give me another chance

Reflection:

For me, when I finally admit that I need help (like I did last week) this is how I feel.  I feel exposed, vulnerable, ready to go back in my shell.  That is why I acted so quickly last week.  Why I wrote an update, why I called a therapist, because it was time.  The walls are falling down around my heart, but they can go up just as quickly.   Every time I am at this place a want to make it count but it never does, I always fall back.  I beg God for another chance to make it right.  I am tired of the cycle and I need it to stop.  Being IF has brought out the worst of me.  It has made it hate myself in so many ways and feel so useless.  It has made me angry again at God over and over again.  But I am slowly crawling out of that.  I am seeking help.  I am ready to move on. 

There is a line from Lord of the Rings that always gives me comfort.

I did not choose to be IF, just like my DH did not choose to have problems as well.  It is what it is.  There was a time I allowed that to control my actions and I think we all need to do that at some point.   If I didn't I would not know what I do now.  But there comes a time that we must choose how to deal with IF.  I think everything handles it different and there are stages for sure.  I am in the stage of learning what it means for me as a wife and a mother.  I don't know what my next steps are but I must accept it and allow God to help me.  That is how I am choosing to deal right now.  I am ready to  heal and be a better person.     

Third Sunday of Advent: "Your My Little Girl" by Go Fish

New song for me.  This song is for all us ladies out there.  Enjoy

The Video:




The Lyrics:

The ones you love they let you down
And I want you to know that I'm sorry
The choices that they made were wrong
You were caught in the middle and I'm sorry

So when the anger and the pain
Get the best of you
I know it seems like you're all alone 
But I am feelin it to

(chorus)
Cuz you're My little girl
You're the one that I created
No one in this world could be like you
When you're crying in the night
All you need to do is call Me
I'll be there for you
Cuz you're My little girl

When you're lookin in the mirror
I hope you're likin what you see
Cuz no matter what you're feelin
You're perfect to me

Because I see you as a child
Blameless in My sight
Just spend some time with me
And I'll make everything alright

I know you don't deserve 
what you've been through
and I know it doesn't seem fair
and I know that there are times
you think you're alone
But you've got to know that 
I will be there, be there

I will be there for you 
I know what you're goin through
You are My little girl
I'll wipe the tears from your eyes
I want you to realize 
You are My little girl> 

Second Saturday of Advent: "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick

This one is on my current IF playlist.  

The Video:


The Lyrics:

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

Reflection:  
Last night was a really bad night, I can't go into details, but I was left in tears.   This song reminds me that is is okay to cry.  It is okay to fall down as long as I can stand back up.  We have to deal with so much in this life, there is pain, things are lost.  We want to run away, we want to hold it all in, but that is not what God wants from us.  He wants us to let it out, be whole.  He sent His Son to be our savior, we just have to be willing to let me save us.  That is something that is very hard for me to do.  Something that I don't want to do all the time.  I will admit there have been times I have questioned if I am worthy enough.  But that is not true.  Each and everyone of us is worthy.  So stand up.  Allow God to be our Savior, this Advent allow God to remind us that we need to be saved.  

Second Friday of Advent: "He Will Carry Me" by Mark Schultz

Sorry this is a few days late.  This is a song that I always fall back on.  Mark Schultz words always brings me to tears.

The Video:


The Lyrics:

I call, You hear me 
I've lost it all 
And it's more than I can bear 
I feel so empty 

You're strong 
I'm weary 
I'm holdin' on 
But I feel like givin' in 
But still You're with me 

[chorus:]
And even though I'm walkin' through 
The valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will 
Ever need 
And He will carry me 

I know I'm broken 
But You alone 
Can mend this heart of mine 
You're always with me 

[chorus]

And even though I feel so lonely 
Like I've never been before 
You never said it would be easy 
But You said you'd see me through 
The storm 

[chorus]

An update

I know I have been posting my songs daily (or as often as I remember) but I have not really done an update on how things are around here in a while.  I though it was about time.  

We moved into our new house on November 19th.  We working on unpacking for a few days and my parents came to visit for Thanksgiving.  They were a big help moving things around and unpacking the rest of the downstairs.  my kitchen was not ready for thanksgiving dinner so we ordered out and at at the table among boxes.  We did finally get those boxes taken care of.  Once they left, my DH's parents came the following weekend for a short visit.  We enjoyed their company but now the house feels lonely again.

I am slowing settling in.  I have my office space sort of set up.  We had to buy a new printer becuase we forgot to take out the toner in my old one and it ruined it.  So a new printer was bought along with a printer cart for it since is bigger than my old one.   I am starting to think about going back to work at least part time.  I really don't know what I want to do but i need to get out of the house and quit spending money.

I also realize that I need professional help with a few of my issues.  I called a therapist that I think will be able to help me sort out a lot of stuff.  One of the things she specializes in is dealing with infertility!    She is not Catholic, but Christian so I am praying she respects my views.  She also deals with various other things involving sex issues so I am looking forward to that.  I am also trying to find a new spiritual director out here.  If I want to continue to heal I know I need to find a priest to continue my spiritual healing.

As far as treatments and my health.  I am feeling pretty good, my medications I am on seem to be keeping me stable but they pain is back.  I am currently trying to decide if I need to contact my doctor (who is moving!) now to fit surgery in before she leaves or if I should just wait.  The original plan was that I would get my second surgery after DH gets his number up.  Then after surgery do three months(cycles) of the treatment for LUFs.  Now I just don't know.  DH and I are still praying about the next steps, if we are even called to be parents or if there is something else God has planned for us.  It is very hard to determine that and it has been so busy that we have not had time to pray together about it.

That is about all that is happening.  I hope you are enjoying the songs of Hope.

Second Thursday of Advent: "Just Reach Out" by Petra

This song is another new one.  It reminds us to reach out to God and He will take care of us.

The Video:


The Lyrics:

Sometimes the night seems to go on for days 
When it's hard to see the light through the darkness and haze 
While the world around you makes you feel out of place 
And the burdens that you carry are just too hard to face 

Just reach out and He'll reach in 
Take your broken heart and make it whole again 
It don't matter who you are or where you've been 
Just reach out, and He'll reach in 

Standing in a crowd, but still all alone 
Crying out for answers that nobody knows 
Everybody's busy looking out for themselves 
Is there anyone who really cares about anyone else? 

You say you've walked ten thousand steps away 
But don't you know that it's only one step back? 
Because the One who hears you when you pray 
Is the One who's there beside you 
And He'll never walk away

Reflection:

So many of these lyrics speak out to me.    This song is about hitting rock bottom and reaching out to find hope.  A journey i have been on many times before.   This song reminds me that God will come to me if I just ask, He is right there waiting for me to open the door.  I can run as far as I want but he is still there waiting for.  For me I feel like I have run a marathon in place, this song reminds me all I need to do is take ONE step back toward God.  For me it may take me making that one step back a thousand times, but He is still there.   I am trying to figure out where to go from here, but I should be taking my step back and allowing God to show me.   This advent, the season of Hope, I realize that God is my Hope, only with Him can I know my path.  

Second Wednesday of Advent "I do not Belong" by Kutless

The Video:




The Lyrics: 

I look around and I feel like, thing's changed and I don't know why
And everyday that passes by I feel so far away
I can see in the distance, You have the rest of me
I put my trust in you, as I look beyond today
It's all becoming clear. 

I do not belong in a world of broken pieces
I was meant to be in the arms of Your redemption
I am moving on to the place of Your perfection
Cause I do not belong 

When the world is behind me on the day that I breathe my last
In the face of enternity there's hope cause' I believe
When I look to the heavens and the future that you hold
It makes it easier to see beyond today
Now I'm looking to the sky 

I do not belong in a world of broken pieces
I was meant to be in the arms of Your redemption
I am moving on to the place of Your perfection
Cause I do not belong 

This world is not my home
I'm a stranger in this land
But I am not alone
When I do not belong: 

I do not belong in a world of broken pieces
I was meant to be in the arms of Your redemption
I am moving on to the place of Your perfection
Cause I do not belong
No, I do not belong
I do not belong

Reflection:  

We do not belong to this world.  Advent reminds us of that because God sent His Son to bring us home.   God sent us a savior because this world is not our final home.  This song gives me hope knowing that the troubles of this world will pass and one day we will join the Father.  It helps me realize the bigger picture and to live in the moment because this is what we have now.   Living in the moment does not mean we cannot look ahead and find hope.  But we do need hope today.  If we only have hope in the future then the days we live will be long ones.  Now is the time to believe in our Savior, now is the time believe in Hope.  

Second Tuesday of Advent: "Made New" by Lincoln Brewster

This is a song a just found.  I heard it right before heading to confession and it hit me really hard.  Going to confession is going to make me new, give me a new start, new hope.  During confession I was told that we cannot control the past or the future, even future hope, but we can control this moment.  This is our advent now.  We are to make the most of it.

The Video:




The Lyrics:  

You're calling me over
You're pulling me close
With love You surround me
You give me hope

You're taking me deeper
You're making me whole
With grace You redeem me
You restore my soul

Now I'm made new
Because of You

You hold my head up
You remind me who I am
You hold my head up
I'm alive in You again
I'm made new

You're making me stronger
You're healing my heart
With Your hands You hold me
And You set me apart

You are my salvation
I will not fear
You're the strength of my life
I won't fear